How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
