Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
