I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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