I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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