This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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