In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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