your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
