is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
