Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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