Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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