Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
