The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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