Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
this boner is exhausting
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
