I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
