a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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