And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
