Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
