we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
