I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
