Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
