5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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