Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
