WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
