Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
