yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
