i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
