I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
