Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
