I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
