And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
