we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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