so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
