then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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