AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
