ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
