sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
