i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
