operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
