I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
