Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
send nudes
from the living room?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
