I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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