Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sarcasm needs its own font
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
