Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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