i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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