3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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