do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
