After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
