I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
