I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
