should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
