That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
