I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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